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Offering a Hand Despite OCD Fears

My name is Scott Shirey and I suffer from severe Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD).

I am deathly afraid of bodily waste and bodily fluids and have lived with OCD for almost 25 years. I have a fear of contamination that prevents me from living a normal life. Due to this fear, I live with a lot of rules when I am home. There are probably a million of them.

But before we talk about some of those, allow me to explain briefly how I see contaminants spread throughout the world. Let’s pick a bodily fluid at random. We will go with blood. Let’s say someone spills blood on a chair and doesn’t clean it up. It just sits there on the chair. We will even say the blood dries up.  Now let’s say someone sits on the chair with the dried blood.  Then that person gets up and sits on a new chair. According to my way of thinking, the new chair now has blood on it. It has blood on it whether you can see it or smell it or not. Let’s say someone new sits on that new chair with the second-hand blood on it. Now that new person has blood on them and according to my OCD everywhere they sit or bump will now have blood on it too.

This contamination can spread like wild fire as you can see and that makes it hard for me to think ANYTHING is clean. With all the random fluids or waste throughout the world, everything someone encounters in the world is dirty. When I am at home, I try with everything I have to keep any of the outside world dirtiness out of my home. That’s where the rules come in. They keep me safe and keep my house clean and safe. My home is my fortress of solitude. I have very few people ever in my house. There are probably about 8 people that have been in my house in the last 13 years. Long story short, I rarely have visitors and when they are here they don’t stay long that’s for sure. This week I was presented with a challenge. Some might call it an opportunity but I prefer to use the word challenge. Wait till you hear this.

I really felt like it was now or never. I had to do something. I had to do something or my friends were going to be in trouble and they were going to have to leave my town as I watch and do nothing. That’s not who Scott Shirey is, not now, not ever.

One of my best friends and his girlfriend were living in Portland Oregon for the last few years.  The cost of living, among other things, caused them to leave Portland.  The plan was to explore some new places and decide from there where to live permanently.  After being on the road for a few weeks and staying at camp sites across the US, they made their way to Grand Rapids. For whatever reason, this city was one of their finalists as far as places to live.  Their plan was to stay at a camp site near the city and see how they liked the city.  When they made it here they began to see that camping here is more expensive than other places had been and were already short on money. My friend called me and told me that they would not be staying here and were going to have to figure something else out as far as the future. To be honest, they were both at wits’ end and really did not know what they were going to do. I invited them to meet me for dinner so we could talk about it.

Now I know what you are thinking.  Why don’t I offer them a place to stay with me? Well, it’s simply not that simple. My OCD is a major issue and really makes it impossible for me to live with anyone.  I had never planned on ever having anyone stay with me because the rules I have within my home are tough to follow and it’s too much to expect anyone else to follow them. The mere thought of anyone staying with me for a long period of time was unthinkable.  My good friend knows very well what I deal with and said he refused to even ask me for that favor. He saw it as not being an option despite how close we were.  My friends were going to leave and had no idea what they were going to do. Relying on family is not an option for either of them and I really felt like it was now or never. I had to do something. I had to do something or my friends were going to be in trouble and they were going to have to leave my town as I watch and selfishly do nothing. That’s not who Scott Shirey is, not now, not ever.

I decided to offer them a place to stay with me along with a few conditions. I told them that it would be hard for me to have visitors. Knowing me and my OCD like they do, made them initially doubt it could work. We had a long talk and came up with a few parameters that they were ok with. This was not a permanent situation and the end goal would be to get jobs and earn enough to support getting their own place. This would take time, however. They would have their own room that they could have free reign over aka no rules. They would never wear shoes in the house. They would wash their hands whenever dealing with trash or toilets. They would have their own half of the kitchen and their own places to eat at the dinner table. As long as they could avoid touching any of my personal stuff and sitting on a couple chairs in my home, I could handle it. They could have their own couch in the living room and their own toilet. So they agreed to give it a shot. I told them I would show them respect and I would tell them if things became too much for me. They agreed to leave if it got to that point. I was scared as hell but I had to at least try to help my friends. I have a big house and I had to try. This is probably one of the hardest things I have ever had to do but I’m about to do it. Let’s see how this goes….

If reading this interested you, please read my book Danger Life when it comes out.  I will also be launching a blog soon which I will share with The ARC so people can read how this whole thing with my friends is going.

5 Ways Exercise Helps Relieve Stress and Anxiety

There are a lot of benefits exercise can bring to our body and our health.

We all know that exercise is beneficial to our physical health. Apparently, our mental health also gains plenty of benefits from physical exercise. Some of us may have already heard this claim, but do we really know how it benefits us mentally? Awareness is the key to motivating ourselves to keep exercising so we can have a fit body and a sound mind.

It improves your mood

Generally, being physical and doing exercise can improve one’s mood for a number of reasons. Many people choose to do exercise when they wake up in the morning and before they start their day because sweating out and stretching the muscles can be a great wake up call for the mind and body. This results in an overall light and upbeat physical feeling which would then resonate to a good mood. Individuals who start the day with some cardio and exercise are known to have more energy to last throughout the day, as compared to those who do not do exercise in the morning.

Increases endorphins

Studies have confirmed that being physical, sweating out and working out increases the endorphin production in your body. Endorphins are feel-good hormones and also act as the natural pain reliever. Even if the muscles feel sore after an intense workout, you will notice a satisfied physical feeling that basically improves your overall outlook. After a light workout and exercise, if you feel upbeat and energized, this is the mass production of endorphins at work. Even as simple as walking or jogging can bring great improvement to one’s mood.

Calms the mind and fights depression

Doing exercise and sets are generally repetitive and in a routine. That being said, repetitive actions such as the different routines for exercise allow the mind to stay focused and become calm. Exercise is also said to encourage muscle meditation when the muscles are focused on a specific action. This will resonate throughout the whole body and increase the production of endorphins. With regular exercise, it can help fight depression. Another way that exercise helps calm the mind is that being physically active and focusing on your body can help you tone out other thoughts. For a few minutes or hours every day, you can zone out and just focus on your body.

Increases social interaction

As the body increases in feel-good hormones, this will also increase your motivation to spend time with family and friends more. You get more energy to spend time with friends and family after work or every weekend. This increases your social health too. Also, when you regularly exercise, whether you go to a gym or on your regular route when you jog, you get to meet and befriend new people along the way which will grow your social circle.

Improves self-confidence

Exercise improves one’s self-confidence overall. When you exercise regularly, you become more aware of your physical health and mental health. Regular exercise will maintain your body and keep you fit and healthy. This can boost your self-confidence and self-esteem. Plus, regular exercise can help you get the body you always wanted which is all good for your confidence.

Exercise is very beneficial to our physical and mental health. Regular exercise can help us maintain peace of mind, while helping us have a strong and fit body. It’s also important to feel comfortable during exercise, so research fitness clothing to find the right gear for you.


Cindy is a blogger and writer at wearaction.com. She has a passion for fitness that she wants to share with you, and anyone else who is interested in living a healthier lifestyle.

 

Guest Post: A Hero’s Journey

I first met Carol three years ago. We were both at the annual conference of the International OCD Foundation in Minneapolis, she as a local, first-time attendee, and I as a presenter and spokesperson for the organization. I spotted her all but glued to a wall, head down, and arms wrapped tightly around her upper body, almost as if to shield herself from all the conference activity around her. I walked over and asked if perhaps she wanted to talk. She said “No”, and dashed away. I understood. Trust me. I’d been in her shoes at an IOCDF conference not that many years before and had someone walked up to me at that time, I’d have bolted even faster than she had.

The next day I was standing outside a presentation room when I heard a voice from behind: “I’m ready to talk now.”  I turned around to find Carol, tears streaming down her face.

We tucked away in a quiet corner, and I learned all about Carol’s almost unfathomable battles with OCD: a childhood plagued by endless obsessions and compulsions (and their devastating social consequences); dashed dreams of becoming a teacher and working with children; lost jobs and countless other opportunities; dozens (literally) of hospitalizations; months of intensive inpatient treatment. You get the picture.

As an active OCD advocate, I’d met a lot of people with the disorder over the years, but I can honestly say I’d never met anyone as seemingly consumed by her OCD as Carol. And yet, there was something about this quiet, troubled woman that gave me hope—some spark of uncommon determination. Maybe it was the bracelet she wore that read IMAGINE.

With this blog posting, Carol begins her new life as an OCD advocate, and I am certain her story will inspire countless others. I know it has done just that—in a huge way—for me.   -Jeff Bell

We couldn’t have talked for more than 15 minutes that day, but somehow I knew our conversation was just beginning. Our brief encounter had touched something deep inside of me. I gave Carol my email address and asked her to let me know how she was doing.

Just two days later, an email turned up in my inbox from Carol. It began: “I don’t know if you remember me….”

Remember her??  I couldn’t get her off of my mind.

In her note, Carol went on to share how lost she felt, explaining that she just wanted to “throw this (IMAGINE) bracelet in the trash,” but also assuring me that she would continue to work with her OCD therapist as best she could.

I returned her message right away, and we began an email exchange that would fill both of our inboxes for years to come. Somewhere along the way we began chatting on the phone, as well. The more I got to know Carol, the more I grew to admire her tenacity, even in the face of incredible adversity.

Fast forward to several months ago, when Carol surprised the heck out of me by announcing in an email that she wanted to attend this year’s IOCDF national conference in Chicago. My surprise was not that she wanted to put herself back in an environment that had proved so challenging for her, but rather that she was willing to consider doing what it would take to make that happen.

Carol had not left Minneapolis/St. Paul (except for a residential hospitalization) since 1983—nearly three decades! She was deathly afraid of public transit (and the contamination issues it raised). And yet, here she was contemplating a 400-mile road trip to The Windy City. The ultimate OCD exposure therapy!

Now, I’m a big believer in tackling OCD step by step, working one’s way up an exposure hierarchy under the watchful eye of a trained expert. So my first question for Carol was whether her therapist had signed off on this idea.  She assured me he had, even offering to put me in touch with him, so we could all come up with a plan.

As readers of this blog know, I’m also a big believer in the power of what I call Greater Good motivation, encouraging OCD sufferers to identify and pursue specific goals with the potential to empower themselves and/or others. So when Carol mentioned that she wanted to experience Chicago’s deep dish pizza and bring back a meaningful souvenir, I jumped on both goals.

Carol and I talked frequently in the weeks that followed—about pizza, about possible Chicago mementos, and about her ultimate desire to step into advocacy. We also talked about the challenges she’d have to tackle before she could reap any of those rewards–namely, an 8-hour overnight bus trip and a taxi trip to the conference hotel. I lost track of how many times she wondered out loud whether she could actually do this.

On Friday, July 27th, Carol proved that she COULD.

I was finishing up a talk at the IOCDF conference that morning when I looked out and saw my courageous friend, sitting in a back row of the room, looking more than a bit tired, but sporting a big smile on her face. Almost three years to the day after meeting in Minneapolis, here were Carol and I reuniting in Chicago.

For the next two and a half days, Carol and I methodically tackled her Chicago “bucket list.” We scouted out and ate some of the city’s finest deep dish pizza—unbelievably delicious. We searched far and wide for the perfect souvenirs—a sweatshirt and a Matchbox-car-sized yellow Chicago taxi cab. We found ways for Carol to be of service to others at the conference—helping me staff the table for my nonprofit Adversity 2 Advocacy Alliance. We shared a lot of laughs—and a few tears— along the way, and Carol presented me with one of the most thoughtful gifts I’ve ever received: a handmade clay depiction of me battling my “Octopus Chewing Doubtnuts” (a reference that will mean something to those of you who have read When in Doubt, Make Belief).

At one point during the weekend, I looked over and saw Carol crying. I asked if she was okay, and she tearfully whispered that she couldn’t remember the last time she felt so alive. She pointed out the bracelet she was wearing—the same one that had adorned her wrist the day I’d met her. Staring at the word IMAGINE, I realized that she had managed to do just that. I realized too that, in picturing the possibility of her making this heroic trek to Chicago, she had started a much longer and more important journey that will undoubtedly transform the rest of her life.

With this blog posting, Carol begins her new life as an OCD advocate, and I am certain her story will inspire countless others. I know it has done just that—in a huge way—for me.


This post was republished with permission from Jeff Bell and Psychology Today. You can find the original here. Bell is the founder of the nonprofit Adversity 2 Advocacy Alliance, co-founder of Beyond the Doubt and the author of When In Doubt, Make Belief

 

Exploring Anxiety and Art

My name is Annalise De Young, and I graduated this spring with my degree in Mental Health Counseling and Expressive Arts Therapy from Lesley University. My thesis project was about exploring anxiety, particularly my own anxiety through art, and I wanted to share a little bit of that journey with this community.

When I look back on human history, I see that there are many constants, things that are always there in some form, and one of those constants is art. When I talk about art, it means more to me than just pictures on a page, it’s all the creative processes and expressions—visual, musical, theatrical and so on. Creating something is a way that we have processed our lives and experiences since the dawn of time. This is why ancient pieces of writing, art, and music still appeal to us because there is something about those human experiences written into that piece of art that we share. So I began the process of exploring my anxiety through art.

For me, anxiety is a very physical experience. A lot of the time I become aware of something physical before my brain kicks in to notice that we are on the fast track to Anxious Land. The biggest clue is that my jaw will be clenched, and once I notice that it usually follows that I notice knots in my stomach and hands that cannot be kept still. Sometimes, it just feels like the overwhelming need to escape. I kept a journal for a couple months focusing just on the physical feelings of being anxious, and then, I brought them into the art studio.

I wanted to make what I felt inside of myself visible to the outside world, and I wondered what these feelings would look like on the outside of my body, painted on my skin. And I wanted to get to know those feelings, so I could name them, face them, and feel them without letting them take control. I began each of the painting sessions by reading through my journal entries until I found something that stuck out to me. I spent time remembering that feeling, trying to find it back within my body, and then I started to paint.

Here is an example of one of the descriptions I found in my journal, and the painting that came from it: This one is sudden—it feels like my air is gone. It radiates and sucks itself in like a swirling vortex of terror, but in slow motion. It pulls everything into a great, big emptiness.

 

 

I spent hours in the studio painting what my anxiety felt like, and since this was for research, I was also filming, photographing and documenting along the way. On my last day of painting, I was sitting on the studio floor reading through my journal entries like I had done each of the previous times. I was looking for an image or feeling from the journal that stood out to me that day when I realized I was ready to paint myself strong. As I looked at the journal pages, I felt like I knew those feelings already, I understood them better than I had on the day I started painting, but I wanted to paint myself strong. I survived those feelings, in this body, in this skin, and it was strong—it is strong, and so am I.

 

 

Through all the research and my own life experience, I learned a few things, and one of the biggest lessons was that it can be almost impossible to tackle anxiety with just a single approach, like therapy or medication, or meditation. Anxiety becomes part of our train of thought, running on a parallel track until it derails us. It is something that we have to approach from multiple angles in order to really get ahead of it. I also came to recognize that anxiety is well-intentioned, but it is dangerous when it becomes too powerful. Anxiety wants to keep us safe, and it thrives on the unknown.

Art is a useful tool for relaxation and meditation, for keeping the mind calm, which are excellent things for a person who experiences anxiety. But art can also take us through some of the more difficult parts of our journey, the parts that are not easy to talk about. When there are no words for what we feel, we can turn to art to express ourselves. For some of us that could mean dancing, for others writing. It could mean picking up an instrument or picking up a paint brush.


Annalise is a freshly-minted Expressive Arts Therapist born and raised in Grand Rapids, MI. She attended City High School, Alma College, and Lesley University. She has a passion for helping people discover and rediscover creative paths to healing in their lives and their communities, and for helping people to express things without words. Truly ‘smitten with the mitten,’ she is always drawn to the water, loves all four seasons (yes, even winter), and all the adventures that Michigan has to offer. When at home you would likely find her hanging out with her rabbit (Matteo), crocheting, making art, or enjoying the thrills of Netflix. To hear more send her an email at avdeyoung91@gmail.com.

 

Can Digital Devices Cause Anxiety?

If like me, you rely on the internet for work, information, leisure, making social plans, shopping (the list gets embarrassingly long, so I’ll cut it there!), it can feel like a pretty great thing. The internet and the digital devices it’s brought with it have changed the world – in many ways for the better. However, nothing is without its fallbacks. The digital revolution has brought many unforeseen problems in its wake. Many people are linking the sudden, global upsurge in depression and anxiety with the rapid worldwide spread of digital devices. While nothing is as yet proven, the evidence to suggest that the use of digital devices – particularly concerning social media – can cause anxiety in susceptible individuals.

Internet Addiction

Let’s start with the most ‘pathological’ pattern of internet usage. The concept of ‘internet addiction’ is well established in Japan, China, and Korea, but remains debated in the West. However, we are increasingly coming to understand that patterns of excessive internet usage can provoke reactions resembling (if not functionally identical to) the reactions of an addict to their preferred substance. Needless to say, addiction brings with it a lot of associated psychiatric troubles – including an enhanced capacity for anxiety. If we are indeed addicted to our digital devices, it’s hardly surprising that we’re experiencing anxiety as a side-effect of the addiction-based dopamine surges and withdrawals within our brains. The trouble is, our reliance on our digital devices is so intense that excessive use is normalized, and behaviors have to become seriously extreme before we realize that there is a problem. Indeed, many people are far more protective of their digital devices than they are of their cars, their homes, or even their bank accounts. Increasingly, people’s digital lives are so important to them that they ask to be buried with their smartphones – and that’s considered normal!

Loss Of Downtime

Moving onto more lifestyle-based factors, many have noted that the internet has chipped away at our downtime so insidiously that we’ve barely noticed it happening. Indeed, it’s more or less destroyed the boundaries between ‘work time’ and ‘leisure time.’ Many of us have a social media or magazine tab open while we work, and take guilty pleasure in updating our Facebook during work hours. However, the flip side of being able to reach your at-leisure life while you’re at work is that work can also reach you during your leisure time. No longer do office hours finish when we go home. Emails can reach us any time of the day or night, and many of us are asked to take work home, to research, or to complete and send via the internet. True downtime – where we’re completely disconnected from our working lives – is a thing of the past. Even when we are using the internet purely for ‘leisure,’ our brains still have to work pretty hard to keep up with the gallons of information we’re pouring into it from a thousand different sources. Furthermore, the constant connectedness of the digital world makes us feel obliged to immediately answer any message – which instantly re-engages even a very relaxed brain. All of this is bad because our brains need to go into ‘rest mode’ to process our experiences and ‘sort out’ the psyche. Without giving our brains a bit of a break (i.e. concentrating purely on one, pleasurable thing – reading a book, meditating, going for a walk, dozing etc), our brains never have a chance to file things away to long-term memory, heal emotional wounds, sweep away stress, and let all of our worries seep into the substratum of our consciousness, there to be harmlessly dispelled. Psychological ‘clutter’ thus piles up in the psyche and manifests as depression and anxiety.

Social Media

Then there’s the ever-present problem with social media. Scientists have various ideas about social media and how it can be bad/good for us. Trolls upset us, anonymity brings out the worst in us, we become more invested in our online than our real lives, the list goes on. However, there’s one theme which emerges pretty consistently: that of pressure. The lives we portray on social media are our highlight reels – they’re bolder, more dramatic, prettier, and far less humdrum than our real lives. Which is fine, if you realize that everyone is essentially ‘photoshopping’ their social media persona. Sometimes, however, scrolling down everyone’s beautiful, funny, successful feeds can make us feel intense pressure to live up to these unreal standards. We don’t know that the person who always has hilarious statuses spends hours thinking up her next quip. We don’t know that ‘casual,’ gorgeous selfie was re-taken fifteen times and then heavily edited. We don’t know that those perfect, smiling children were screaming monsters five minutes before the photo was taken. All we see is a stream of apparently faultless lives, which our lives cannot possibly match. Which makes us feel inadequate, knocks our self-esteem, and gives us anxiety.

Helen Fields is a freelance writer and mother. She juggles her work around her home life. In the past, she has suffered anxiety problems and now seeks to help others through writing about these issues and what life is like managing these kinds of problems.

 

Social Anxiety Disorder Can Make Group Activities Frightening

Social Anxiety Disorder

Have you ever been asked to join a group? Perhaps at your work setting, church organization, or even among family members? Group activities, whether it’s social or business-related, can be difficult for anyone with social anxiety.

Sure, on some level, everyone gets nervous when they are among a group of people they don’t know. And it’s human nature to be somewhat nervous around strangers. But for those who have social anxiety, it’s not a touch of nerves but rather a flood of anxiety that interferes with their social interactions. In fact, if a person has severe reactions to social experiences, they may be diagnosed with Social Anxiety Disorder.

Social Anxiety Disorder is a psychological illness in which individuals have an extreme fear of social situations and being around others. A person with this illness commonly fears being evaluated and judged by others, to the point where it is debilitating. Frequently, this fear prevents them from being able to participate and engage in healthy activities and relationships. Those with Social Anxiety Disorder typically feel self-consciousness in an extreme way. They often also feel a fear of being embarrassed or humiliated. Sadly, even average, every-day interactions can feel overwhelming.

So if you’re in a workplace setting and you’re asked to do a group project with another division, co-workers you don’t know, it can be frightening. Or if you’re in a community setting with neighbors and community organizers, for example, working on a fundraiser for your neighborhood, that too can feel overwhelming.

Someone with Social Anxiety Disorder who is faced with an overwhelming social situation might experience the following symptoms:

  • a racing heart
  • dizziness
  • nausea
  • shortness of breath
  • shaking
  • sweating palms
  • feeling hot
  • anxiety
  • stress
  • tension

It’s common for people with Social Anxiety Disorder to withdraw from people and social activities. To avoid these experiencesthey frequently isolate and spend time alone. The worry and anxiety may become so intense for some people that they no longer have the ability to participate in social situations. In many cases, those with the disorder might even be aware that the social anxiety they’re experiencing is unreasonable. However, they may still feel powerless to it.

As you can imagine, Social Anxiety Disorder may interfere with a person’s career, ability to make friends, and have a network of support. However, those with the illness can utilize mental health treatment, such as psychotherapy and medication (if needed). In some cases, therapy that explores a person’s beliefs, thoughts, and feelings while in those social situations can help illuminate the experience that might be triggering the physiological response of fear. A person with Social Anxiety Disorder might also incorporate relaxation practices, including meditation and yoga, into their lifestyle. Practices such as these can help a person learn a state of relaxation as a natural and ongoing state versus anxiety as a dominant state.

If you or someone you know is experiencing symptoms of Social Anxiety Disorder, contact a mental health provider for assistance. A person doesn’t have to live in fear. Help is available so that anxiety doesn’t have to get in the way of enjoying life.

About the author – Robert Hunt is a recovering addict of 7 years.  He has devoted his life to helping others suffering from chemical addictions as well as mental health challenges.  Robert maintains many blogs on drug addiction, eating disorders and depression.  He is a sober coach and wellness advocate and a prominent figure in the recovery community.

 

A Love Letter

My dear, my dear, do not fear the night.  

It comes to bring contrast to the colors of the light.  If not for dark, walled-in caves with no cracks at all, you wouldn’t know the beauty of the bright, golden sun.  Or the rich green leaves that serve as beds to the raindrops that fall from the sky.  You wouldn’t know what the sky really looked like if that’s all you saw day in and day out.  Its brilliant blue would turn to haze and your eyes would eventually glass over so you could hardly see its detail anymore.  You would think it commonplace and try to throw it to the wind out of boredom.  

You say you wish for all things to be made new and all the darkness to be gone, and yes, I think that’s in all our hearts.  This world is not how it should be, and we know it.  But do you also see that the colors of the sun, the leaves, and the sky are so beautiful because they come as a welcome miracle at the other end of your pitch black nights?  You see how beautiful they are, but if they were all you ever saw, you wouldn’t see their beauty like you do.  My love, take heart.  Cry into my chest if need be.  Speak.  I’ll listen.  I know the nights are wrought with pain.  And I’m sorry.  I’m so, so sorry.  You should not have to go through this.  I have no answer for you.  I wish I did.  I know my words don’t fix anything.  But I am here.  And I just want you to see.  To see how much you see the beauty, how sensitive to it you are.  You may have a heart more aware of beauty than most, and with that, you are also more sensitive to pain.  You feel everything very deeply.  But remember, “beauty can save the world.” You are a chosen one to help others find the beauty.  

You are a chosen one to help others find the beauty.

Caravaggio, he mastered Chiaroscuro. He could create an effect of contrasted light and dark in a painting.  He must have had his own darkness, too, to make such captivating works of art.  The light, though.  When you cuddle up your little brown puppy and let her kiss your face and let her pure excitement of being in this world flood into your soul, that’s what I mean.  You look into her eyes and you see the marvelous miracle of her life, how just 4 months ago she wasn’t even alive yet, and somehow the lines of the universe matched up so she could land in your home all the way from St. Louis.  Her brown eyes etched with detail offer a certain kind of tenderness you’ve never seen.  She just wants to be loved and wants to love you back.  That’s all that matters to her, and that’s all that really matters.  Remember Nate, the cook at your restaurant, jamming and singing his heart out while he scrubbed those pans like a pro that one busy night you had no dishwasher?  He must have forgotten anyone else was there- his pants were falling down and he mostly had his eyes closed while the music played and he was jamming to the beat like the happiest person alive.  Now that’s life.  Last night after your yoga class, you were in the lowest of states, tired of trying, so depressed and exhausted from everything, wanting a break.  But something in you knew that before you left, you had to run your fingers across the colorful banners the yoga teachers had bought while in India.  They were handmade, they each had yoga symbols on them.  Your heart knew there was something special there.  Some beautiful people who ushered these banners into the world, a new and intriguing culture of their home country, and perhaps freedom and power in those banners that displayed symbols that give meaning to life, gratitude, joy, love, and freedom.  The blues, pinks, and purples, were especially brilliant.  You felt a twinge of magic running through your veins as you touched these treasures.  The beauty almost kills you.

And you realize that perhaps you, with all your darkness and mistakes and imperfections and light and strength and bravery, you are beautiful.  You are a gift to the world.  Just as beauty is a gift to you.

These moments of beauty, you wouldn’t really SEE them like you do if they were all you had.  Or if your life were easy.  Because you wouldn’t need to see them.  There would be little use for them.  But you do have the wretched nights of little sleep and deep despair, or days when the night seeps into the day.  When your soul aches from exhaustion, and the pain feels like it can’t go any deeper.  And, my love, you LOOK for the beauty.  Damn, do you ever.  It’s your fuel.  During the night, you either consciously wonder when the light will come again, or if your hope runs thin and you stop anticipating, when it actually comes you are that much more bewildered and in awe.  You marvel and you laugh.  A hearty laugh because what more joy is there than to be given something beautiful?  Ahhh, maybe there is an even greater joy.  One that you’re still learning.  What if it is then to give it away?  Your heart becomes so full with the beauty that it will simply burst if it doesn’t let any of it go, so you give it away in a smile to a friend or even someone who has hurt you.  You point out to someone the beauty you see in THEM and hope they see it, too.  You care for your teenage friend and really ask how she’s doing.  You do something that would encourage your mom.  You look for ways to love others.  You write, and you song-write, and you hopefully create something beautiful for others to enjoy.  And you realize that perhaps you, with all your darkness and mistakes and imperfections and light and strength and bravery, you are beautiful.  You are a gift to the world.  Just as beauty is a gift to you.  You are a chiaroscuro piece, created by someone more skillful than Caravaggio.  Don’t let your weaknesses or failures cover up your strengths and successes.  They’re just a contrast, remember?  If the darkness weren’t there, the light wouldn’t be as bright.  Embrace all of you.  Be the gift.  Remember, darling, that beauty reins, both around and inside of you.

Make Friends With Your Anxiety

When we hear the word “anxiety,” we almost always associate it with something unfavorable. These “negative” thoughts brought about by anxiety can affect our relationships with other people and how we function at school or work. Most people would describe “anxiety” as a creepy creature who whispers incessantly in our ears all the things we don’t want to hear. For some, it is feeling uneasy when there is nothing to be uneasy about yet there is no way to shut down such uncomfortable feelings.

But is anxiety that bad? Is it the evil monster that we think it is? Like most things, anxiety lies in a spectrum. It can have a negative or positive influence on an individual’s behavior. But since it has always been associated with negativity, people tend to ignore or dismiss it instead of listening to it. It is rare or unheard of to think that anxiety can have a positive influence. Think of it as a knife – most people would instantly dismiss or have it put away before someone gets hurt instead of giving the utensil recognition for its usefulness in preparing a delicious dinner. Be it detrimental or beneficial, anxiety is trying to tell us something worth our full and due attention. For this reason, one should make a friend out of anxiety.

Anxiety acts as a wake-up call to deal with problems urgently. If it is trying to tell us anything, it is that something is not right and must be dealt with immediately. However, most people would either avoid tackling the issue or resort to aggression. These do not solve the real problem at all and may even cause more problems, like opening a can of worms. Instead, a person should listen to what his or her anxiety is trying to say. If it is trying to point a person to a specific issue, then it’s best to take heed and deal with the subject. If the anxious thoughts do not point to something specific, then it’s best to consult a professional who can give counseling.

Though impossible as it may seem, one can also harness anxiety as motivation. Anxiety can be crippling, but research suggests that there exists a “sweet spot” where anxiety is enough to keep a person motivated. As long as the person does some preparation and pushes him/herself instead of wallowing in doubt, it can help to get things done. Since it is a warning system, it gets people to act on whatever it is they are worried about. It may differ for everyone, but an individual is usually compelled to act when such person hits enough amounts of anxiety.

All these opportunities between problems and solutions eventually lead to a person’s increase in self-awareness and self-growth. By listening to anxiety, a person becomes more solution-oriented instead of avoiding problems. It also helps a person to become more caring since he or she understands how other people feel when faced with challenges.

Alisa Abrasaldo is a freelance writer and works with Open Colleges helping people decide on a career in Counseling. She learned through a friend’s experience with anxiety how crippling this disorder can become. She shares her insights to help others. Alisa also enjoys photography and travel in her spare time.

 

Helpful Holiday Tips from the ARC

helpful-holiday-tips-3

She walked through the door as to avoid notice. Carefully and quietly she planted herself into the cream-colored rocker that embraced her. Body trembling, hands interlocked, face lost in the ground below. Ridden with anxiety, fear of the unknown, shaken to the bone and yet in a place so warm, embracing and accepting.

People walk through our doors every week, and everyone’s story is different but also very much the same. Social anxiety is very common among those who attend the ARC. According to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America, 15 million American adults have Social Anxiety Disorder.

So what is it really? Just being shy? No, it’s much more than that. According to an article published by the National Institute of Mental Health, social phobia is a disabling anxiety disorder characterized by overwhelming anxiety and excessive self-consciousness in everyday social or performance situations.

As you might imagine, the holidays can be very stressful with so many events focusing on social settings. Consider some of these tips shared by others:

  • Focus on one person in the room. Find someone who makes you feel comfortable and that you can identify with.
  • Offer to help someone. This allows the focus to shift from you and onto the task at hand.
  • Recognize that it’s ok to feel nervous. Sometimes the best thing we can do is feel the anxiety and know that it will pass.
  • If you feel overwhelmed in a social setting, excuse yourself. Maybe you need to use the restroom or get something from the car. A few minutes to stop and breathe can be very helpful.
  • Attend a smaller gathering. Recognize that being in a social setting with people who understand can be rewarding and a baby step towards something bigger.
  • Utilize those deep breathing and meditation skills you’ve learned. Don’t have any? Check out our Pinterest boards, especially Holiday Help.

Above all recognize that while anxiety may not be curable, it is highly treatable. We wish you a joyous holiday!

Suzette Andres is one of the founding board member and the director of the Anxiety Resource Center in Grand Rapids, MI.

 

For My Friend-Who Asked

There is a Reason-
to keep walking
every day.

You might see a sunrise,
red gold glory
blooming into day.

You might hear
trilling birdsong
praising a new day.

You could sit
in yellow bright sunshine,
its warmth sinking
into your bones.

You might hear
the sharp crack
of bat meeting ball
which screams over
the green grass field –
over heads, outstretched hands,
finding freedom
over the fence.

You might enjoy
a wonderful meal
with friends,
smiling, talking, laughing,
laughing, laughing.

You could walk
a soft sand beach
hearing gulls scream in tongues
given only to them,
see their hieroglyphic
footprints leading
every which way
till they end when
they lift to the sky.

You might find
a bright shining penny
on a walk, pick it up,
and feel lucky all day.

You might exchange
a sudden smile
with a stranger
and wish each other
a good day.

You might learn
that many people
will walk with you
and find Peace
along the way.

-Mary Ericksen, 2014

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