Tips to Help Your Child Overcome School-Related Fears
With the school year quickly approaching, approximately 50 million American students are gearing up to enroll in elementary through high schools, according to the U.S. National Center for Education Statistics. That means many children and teens are starting to become anxious about going back to school with questions such as, “Will I like my teachers? Will I have friends? Will my classes be too hard? Will I fit in? Will I get lost?”
This sense of uncertainty and uneasiness may be particularly difficult for students who have just moved, or are first-timers to elementary, middle or high school. A sense of nervousness is pretty common, and a case of jitters is normal and to be expected, but what can you do when your child is experiencing a noticeably intense amount of anxiety leading up to the start of school? Here are some general strategies to help your child overcome his school-related fears.
Take care of the basic needs.
Anxious children can often forget to eat, don’t feel hungry, and don’t get enough sleep. Make sure to provide nutritious snacks for your child often, and start to establish consistent routines during this time, so that life is more predictable for your child. These types of routines can consist of morning and bedtime habits, as well as eating schedules.
Encourage discussion around fears and worries.
Ask your child about what is making him worried. You can also ask questions such as, “What have you heard about elementary school?” “What do you think it’s going to be like?” Tell your child that it is normal to have concerns, and begin to address them one-by-one. Some kids feel most comfortable talking about concerns when they have your undivided attention, and some kids, most likely teens, feel most at ease to talk when they have some sort of distraction to lessen the intensity of their worries, such as driving in the car, or taking a walk.
Problem solve instead of giving reassurance.
Children with anxiety often seek reassurance for things that cause them stress in order to reduce their worry around engaging in those activities. Avoid reassuring them with statements like “Everything will be fine!” Instead, support your child to develop his own ways to solve his problem. For example, “If this happens (the worst-case scenario of the fear or worry), what could you do? Lets think of some ways you could handle it.” Along these lines, you can use this time to address real versus imagined scary situations. If need be, role-play with your child, to help him make a plan to feel more confident that he will be able to handle the situation in question.
Model confidence for your child.
Parents can also feel stress about their kids starting school. When children notice their parents are feeling nervous, they may become anxious, too, because they take cues from their parents. The more confidence you can model for them, the more your child will recognize there is no reason to be afraid. Don’t let your child avoid school with an explosive tantrum. Be supportive and positive, yet firm. Help your child communicate his fears and discuss how he can deal with them with a little problem-solving and planning.
Plan a timeline leading up to the first day of school.
At least one week before the start of school, start your child on a school-day routine, which includes waking up, eating, and going to bed at regular times. It may be helpful to get everyone in the family involved in this routine so that the child doesn’t feel singled-out by the changes. Start brainstorming with your child to help him plan his lunches for the first week. Create a list of school supplies together and go shopping. Talk about some coping skills he can use when he’s feeling nervous, including breathing exercises.
A couple days before school, you can practice the school day’s entire routine, maybe even multiple times so that everything becomes as familiar as possible. This includes walking, driving or waiting at the bus stop. For children who take the school bus, describe and draw out the bus route, including how long it takes to get to school. Discuss bus safety with your child and his expectations for riding the bus. For students who are first-timers to their school, take a tour with them. Show your child the classrooms, the cafeteria, and the bathrooms. If possible, try to meet your child’s teacher with your child there. Help your child pack his backpack the night before. Reach out to your child’s teacher to tell him or her that your child is experiencing some anxiety. Praise your child for his brave behavior!
If your child doesn’t settle into a daily school routine a month or two into the school year, and the anxiety has become so intense and prolonged that it’s affecting his daily functioning, it may be time for some professional help. Talk to your child’s teacher and the school counselor to get their thoughts and to get their support if outside counseling is needed. Anxiety is the body’s way of alerting us to respond to dangerous or stressful events, but if your child is continually struggling with anxiety, you may need to seek out a trained counselor or psychologist. Once your child is able to tell the difference between a real danger and a “false alarm” danger, he can begin to implement various strategies and tools to handle those in a better, and less stressful way.
“Helping Your Child Cope with Back-to-School Anxiety.” Anxiety BC. Retrieved on July 15, 2015 from www.anxietybc.com
Lohmann, R. (2014). “Back to School Anxiety: Tips to help your teen overcome back to school fears and anxiety.” Psychology Today. Retrieved on July 15, 2015 from www.psychologytoday.com
Peach, Sara. (2011). “Coping with back-to-school anxiety.” UNC Health Care. Retrieved on July 15, 2015 from www.news.unchealthcare.org
This post was republished with permission from Turnaround Anxiety. You can find the original here. Emily has a bachelor’s in Journalism & Mass Communication from The University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, and her master’s in Christian counseling from Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary. She is a counselor in private practice. A native Charlottean, she currently resides in Charlotte with her husband and son. For more information about her, please visit her website: www.emilybasscounseling.com.
“Whatever you fight, you strengthen, and what you resist, persists.” ~Eckhart Tolle
Sunday started out with a panic attack.
It wasn’t little butterflies in the stomach like right before a first kiss. It wasn’t the feeling of anticipation as a rollercoaster slowly climbs the big hill before the drop.
This panic attack felt like I was about to jump off a cliff while being chased by clowns. Not cute clowns—scary ones. The kind of clowns that were in the paintings at my pediatrician’s office when I was a kid. The clowns that smiled at me smugly when I was getting emergency asthma shots, unable to breathe.
Panic attacks are my suffering at its most profound. Over the years, I’ve become an expert on them.
I was twenty-nine when I had my first major panic attack. I was sitting in a hotel room in Sunnyvale, California, getting ready to drive to the beach, and I couldn’t decide whether to eat at a local restaurant or wait until I got to Santa Cruz.
Bang! It hit me out of nowhere.
That’s how it happens for me. I can handle a major crisis like a medical emergency or aiding in a car accident with unthinking grace. It’s the day-to-day living that sometimes gets me.
Suffering the break-up of a romantic relationship a few months ago brought the panic attacks back out of hiding. Instead of going through a depression, I felt riddled by anxiety.
A lot of the anxiety had to do with the fact that I was going to have to deal with my ex in a working situation. It was compounded with the awful things I was telling myself over and over again in my head. It was extremely painful and maddening.
At least I have some skills and resources for dealing with panic and anxiety, and I’ve gotten a lot better at using them.
I’ve found meditation and present moment awareness to be effective in dealing with panic attacks.
I know that some people reading this will think that they can’t meditate. However, there are lots of different kinds of meditation and lots of different techniques we can utilize.
If we think of a panic attack as a villain who steals away pieces of our soul, these are the three techniques that he wouldn’t want us to know about.
One of the most powerful things that you can do in the midst of a panic attack is to accept it. I know that seems to go against all rational thought.
Don’t I want the panic attack to go away? Sure I do. But noticing the panic and accepting that it’s visiting me is the first step. Realizing that I’m having a panic attack instead of being lost in the dream of panic creates some space to work with it.
One way to work with it is to lie down on the floor and feel the anxiety and panic flowing through the body. Accept that it’s there. Feel it completely.
I notice my chest feeling tight and my heart pounding, notice the sweating or feeling of being light-headed or dizzy. I let the anxiety develop completely, inviting it to overcome me like a wave of uncomfortableness.
Yes, it can get pretty nasty. But usually at the point when I feel like my whole being is going to explode from so much anxiety, something almost unimaginable happens: a release.
The panic begins to fade, moving away from me like the tide slowly going back out to sea. I’m left a little tired, a little drained, but also relieved.
It’s important to know that a panic attack won’t last.
Nothing lasts forever—not pleasant things, not unpleasant things, not panic attacks.
It’s not necessary to lie on the floor.
Sometimes I find myself in certain social situations where being stretched out on the floor would look just plain nutty. This technique works just as well sitting in my truck, behind a desk, or hiding in a bathroom stall. We do what we must.
A lot of people say to take deep breaths when you’re having a panic attack. I think this is sound advice, but I like to put a slightly different spin on it.
Take a walk. That’s right. Go walking.
Walking is awesome because it gets the blood flowing, the heart pumping, and if it’s a brisk walk, it forces you to breathe more deeply.
Sometimes I feel like my anxieties and fears are chasing me, but I’m walking away from them. Other times, I just feeling like I’m burning off some built-up energy that has nowhere to go.
Running would probably also be helpful, but I will only run in the event of The Zombie Apocalypse.
Another really effective technique that I practice is to name the feelings and thoughts as I’m having a panic attack. I learned this technique from listening to Tara Brach’s podcasts on iTunes. It’s super effective and very simple to learn. (*Note: Tara Brach’s podcasts are free on iTunes.)
In the midst of the panic attack, I focus on any feelings or thoughts that are arising and name them either out loud or silently to myself. I sometimes even grab a notebook and write them. For instance:
- I feel tightness in my chest
- I feel my racing heartbeat.
- My mouth is dry, my head aches,, and I’m a little dizzy.
- I feel like I’m going to fall off of a cliff.
- I’m feeling bad about feeling bad because this anxiety destroys relationships.
- I feel like no one is ever going to love me again.
- My jaw is clenching.
- There’s a knot in my stomach.
- I feel like a loser.
- I feel like I don’t belong here.
- I feel like I suck.
- I’m afraid I’m going to fail.
- I hear a pounding in my ears.
- I feel unqualified, unworthy, unnecessary.
Once again, it’s helpful to remind myself that this is a panic attack, that it will pass, but it needs to be allowed to.
I remind myself that this awful time in my life will pass like all the others. How do I know this? If I look back over the course of my life, I can see it.
I’ve had some great times. They’ve passed. I’ve had some awful times. They’ve passed, too. I can see that everything before this has passed.
This also will pass. It has to.
These simple techniques can work, but you have to put them into practice.
It’s like learning to play a musical instrument or a sport; the more you practice, the better you get at it. If one of the techniques isn’t working, I switch to another one.
I believe that, in the moment, we always pick the right one.
James Gummer has no idea what’s going on and is learning to be okay with that. He writes in Baltimore, Maryland where he also teaches drumming, qigong, and meditation. His collection of essays will be available soon. Visit him at james-writes.com. This post was republished with permission from tinybuddha.com. You can find the original here.
Routine can be such a double-edged sword. We need it to make our world go ’round. To take the strain off rethinking everything every time. This frees up brain space for more complicated thoughts, like researching cost-effective energy sources or designing your wee one’s Halloween costume. Advantage: Us
But regimen can also feel relentless and numbing. It’s often the culprit when we get stuck as a Deflated Doer. That’s when we lose sight of why we got involved in the first place, so our passion and motivation plummet. And when that happens, negative thinking has a tendency to take over.
- I went to grad school for this?
- My life is one, long dirty diaper.
- How did I end up working for her?
- My dreams are dead in the water.
- Might as well keep smoking/drinking/you-name-it.
That’s roughly the state of mind Dylan Thuras found himself in a few years ago, though you wouldn’t know it from the outside looking in. Happily married and successfully freelancing as a video editor, Dylan, by all counts, was making it in New York, NY. Yet, “it was a real concern and worry for me that this routine I had fallen into was going to be my life, and it actually wasn’t what I wanted for my life,” he says. “I was stuck in this money-making grind but had no real sense of personal agency. Despite everything, I felt like I was just failing in some existential way.”
His wife, Michelle, felt similarly. So together, they pulled the emergency lever and moved to Budapest for a year: “It was the best thing we ever did.”
More than a day at the beach.
If you’ve ever taken a trip, you know it can be like an instant refresh. We leave our day-to-day worries behind, and return with a more optimistic outlook. Sometimes the optimism lasts. But sometimes it’s lost after the first hour back on the job. And that’s a problem if you’re trying to get your mojo back.
The answer: Travel thoughtfully. Approach your trip with a mission to discover yourself as much as you discover your destination. It’s not about where you go — a different continent or two-hour train trip. It’s about paying attention to the messages and sensations you experience. How do they fit with life at home? Do you feel priorities shifting? What really excites you? Does a belief need adjusting?
To make this process more tangible, Dylan shared with us his personal journey through Budapest and beyond. His insights offer a kind of blueprint for using travel as a tool to get unstuck.
Don’t try to control the entire experience.
When in a foreign place, it’s a natural tendency to look for the familiar. Fight that. “We have to unshackle,” says Dylan, “because we’ve become too accustomed and clingy to schedules and logic. If you see something, and it looks interesting and your first thought is ‘We should go check that out,’ then check it out! It allows you to discover the freedom you really still have.”
You’re more curious in a different environment.
There’s no autopilot in new places, and we want to take advantage of that. Be observant and let passion and curiosity lead. For instance: “We were in Bologna, and we were running around trying to see all this cool stuff we’d read about,” recalls Dylan. “We went to the church of Saint Catherine of Bologna to see the saint relic. You couldn’t really get close, you only see it through a little grate from a distance. So we walk out, but then we saw a little door with a doorbell next to it. It seemed so out of place, so we were curious and rang it. Nothing happened, and we were about to leave when the door slides open. It was like an adventure movie moment! We go in and it’s just us and this 500-year-old saint mummy sitting on her golden throne in front of us.”
You’re the only obstacle in your way.
You know those reasons why you can’t or won’t or shouldn’t — they fade away on the road. “The experience opened my eyes to the possibility that you can actually do what you want in life. All of our previous concerns seemed so trivial and irrelevant,” says Dylan. “It’s hard to see that when you’re in a comfort zone.”
Anxiety comes out of hiding.
It’s hard to tackle a serious worry when you’ve got hundreds of minor concerns and distractions to handle. But when you wander alone somewhere new for a few hours, those distractions diminish (especially if you unplug from your mobile device). “Letting yourself not have a predetermined route can provide the new perspective you need when you’re reflecting on things,” says Dylan. “You’ll start asking yourself things like, ‘Why am I so worried?’ ‘What am I trying to control?’ Being alone while traveling is a good place to get to the root of anxiety and what you want for yourself.”
You live in the moment.
There’s no fretting about yesterday or planning for tomorrow in a new place. You need to figure out the now — like where to eat and sleep. How to get somewhere. How to communicate. Dylan found this gratifyingly fulfilling: “It helped me be more appreciative of life, and that allowed me to reflect on what I actually cared about.” He later realized that “a lot of the long-term bigger life questions and goals start to resolve themselves in the background, especially when you put your focus and concerns in the moment.”
These days, Dylan dedicates much of his time to AtlasObscura.com, a travel site he co-founded with Joshua Foer. “While I was in Budapest, I realized that I want to be truly self-employed. And I realized how much I value exploration. I wanted to share this with people, which is why we started Atlas Obscura.” But that doesn’t mean he’s grounded himself. “Whenever we’re feeling frustrated or stuck, we just leave,” Dylan says. “Sometimes it’s for a day, sometimes a weekend, a week, or even a month.”
Unstuck offers tools and tips to help you get at the heart of what has you stuck. “5 Ways Travel Can Help Overcome a Negative Mindset” is from the Unstuck Advice blog. Copyright © 2013. It has been reposted by permission.
I have always been a visual person. When I read a book, I see the characters’ faces. When I listen to music, I know how it moves. When I say the word “armchair,” I picture an armchair (purple, wooden legs).
When I was a kid, I thought everyone knew that A’s were yellow and 3’s were green. That “fairness” was blue and the phrase “wait and see” looked like a handful of white Styrofoam balls. My favorite color was the letter J, and I loved “P-U-F-F-I-N-S” because it felt so luxuriously soft.
Turns out, I have a touch of synesthesia (and a very vivid imagination). And while this doesn’t affect my daily life very much, it did help lead me to the field of art therapy.
Art therapy is a branch of counseling that encourages individuals to explore their thoughts and ideas visually. Art therapists believe the choices we make during the art process (how a material is manipulated, for example, or the words we use to describe our art) helps others understand how we perceive and move through the world.
In graduate school, my professors would ask us questions like:
Where in your body do you feel sadness?
What sound is that feeling?
What does that sound look like?
How big is that word?
These seemed like super, uh, far out questions at the time, and it took a while for my cohort and I to get used to using this type of language to describe our ideas, relationships, and emotions. I eventually drank the Kool-Aid, however, and didn’t feel as silly using my new far out language with my peers. The more I practiced reframing the way I saw and talked about my experiences, the better I understood why phrases like these have purpose (and substance). It’s now the way I relate to my clients in session.
If I were asked to draw the “shape” of confidence, the first thing that comes to mind is a huge marshmallow. If I had to “color” of my fella’s name, I might use mint green, like toothpaste. To me, marshmallows are indulgent, soft, and child-like; and mint green toothpaste is domestic, intimate, and clean.
When I explore how the words “indulgent, soft, and child-like” relate to feeling confident, I learn a little something about how I understand confidence.
Soft, child-like… Tell me about the last time you felt confident.
Further, the descriptors “domestic, intimate, and clean” may help an outsider better understand the way I see my partner (or relationships in general).
Domestic and intimate sound positive to me… But tell me how you view them.
Art therapists walk alongside their clients during the art process to encourage ideas and discuss conclusions. As an aside, I’m not saying these conversations are unique to art therapy- on the contrary, art therapists and counselors come to similar conclusions because they work from a similar framework and toward similar goals. But the path differs.
Therapists (art therapists, in particular) get a bum rap as interpreters, mind-readers, and quacks… but that’s really not what’s going on here. Houses, trees, and people mean little without input from the artist- and art therapists are not in the business of putting words in your mouth (or pictures on your paper). Art therapists partner with their clients to discover symbols, themes, patterns, etc. in an art piece, explore their significance (or insignificance) and apply this knowledge to therapeutic goals.
Marshmallows are child-like and indulgent to this artist, but may be expensive, nauseating, or Ghost Buster-y to another.
In addition to being an art therapist, I also identify as an anxious person. At age 12, I began to socialize less, scrutinize myself more, and worry excessively about absolutely everything. As an adult, my anxious thoughts tell me I’m an incapable and unlikeable person who doesn’t have anything of value to share with the world. Art-making has made these thoughts feel less threatening and helped me talk about my experiences on my own terms. Seeing my anxiety objectively on paper, instead of feeling it in my body, also helps me find solutions to it.
Pictures can be a great jumping-off point for those of us who have trouble verbalizing emotions (due to trauma, a disability, anxiety, a preference for visual language, etc.). Art images encourage honesty, organization, and make our feelings heard. Art can be used to distract a stressed mind (see my post on the adult coloring book phenomenon here), foster confidence, and encourage us to sit in quiet and stillness (this is so important).
You don’t need to have synesthesia to benefit from art therapy, most people don’t. Art doesn’t always flow easily from our fingertips, art therapists get that and they’re here to help you get started. The goal of art therapy isn’t to hang your final art piece in a museum (though you may want to), it’s to develop a new language to describe experiences, feelings, events, and ideas. My clients have written their gratitude in love letters addressed to themselves, ripped up their memories and created new narratives from the scraps, and placed their hurt in carefully constructed boxes. Art therapy works, of that I am sure. But I would be honored to learn how it works for you.
Jess Kimmel, MSAT, LLPC is a limited licensed art therapist and counselor in the mid-Michigan area. She is currently employed as a Neuro Rehabilitation Aide at Hope Network East Lansing and a part-time Art Therapist at Sanford House in Grand Rapids. She can be contacted via her website www.jesskimmel.carbonmade.com. She enjoys writing, eating pizza, and watching too much true crime television.
When someone you love is suffering from anxiety or any other kind of mental health problem, your first instinct is to do everything you possibly can to help and support them. Anxiety disorder is a long-term condition, and the causes of the condition are not fully understood by medical professionals, meaning that treatment is generally carried out for an extended period of time in order to be effective. The battle against anxiety disorder is a marathon, not a sprint, and finding the treatment plan that is right can be difficult, and is often a matter of trial and error. Accepting that you have anxiety disorder then and that you need professional help is a brave decision to make, and will certainly not be easy.
The problem is that, although their illness is not their fault, the time-consuming nature of controlling and reducing the symptoms of the condition means that caring for someone who has anxiety can be both physically and emotional draining. Relationships involving anxiety disorders face many challenges: you will probably find that you bear the brunt of completing family activities, such as paying the bills, doing the grocery shop and even taking the children to and from their after-school activities. But it is important to provide as much support as possible.
Don’t Loose Yourself
Looking after a loved one with anxiety is important, and the more support anxiety sufferers have throughout their treatment, the more likely they are to come out the other side. However, it is also important to look after yourself, to ensure that you don’t suffer burn out of begin to suffer from compassion fatigue. Compassion fatigue is a condition that occurs when individuals are exhausted and weighed down by the weight of caring for someone with a long-term illness, and in turn, they begin to feel unwell themselves, suffering from symptoms such as anger, depression, headaches and sleep disturbances. Self-care is essential when you are primarily responsible for caring for someone else, and there are many ways that you can care for yourself while simultaneously caring for the person that you love. It’s important to take time out for yourself: taking a walk and getting some fresh air, joining a gym, or meeting with friends for dinner or a cup of coffee are all great ways to reconnect with yourself and remind yourself that you exist outside of the illness of the individual you are caring for.
Learn About the Condition
When you are caring for an individual who is suffering from an anxiety disorder, it can be massively helpful to learn as much as you possibly can about their condition. This can help you to understand why the person you are caring for will act in a certain way, which is turn will alleviate any anger, guilt, and fear that it is inevitable you will feel at some point during the process. Acquiring this knowledge will help you to separate the illness from the person that you love and realize that their anxiety and the way that it sometimes causes them to behave is not directed at you and certainly can’t be helped or avoided: it is simply a symptom of their condition. Part of learning about the condition is learning about the treatment, and encouraging the anxious individual to continue with that treatment, even when it becomes difficult, overwhelming or inconvenient.
Don’t Make Assumptions
Finally, don’t make assumptions about what your loved one needs or second guess what they are thinking and feeling. It is important that you take a step back and listen to what they are thinking and what they need, rather than bulldozing your way through the situation. Remember that you don’t understand what suffering from an anxiety attack feels like, and therefore that while you can empathize with them you can’t truly know what they need. Ask. Question what you can do to help, listen carefully to the response and then follow through and deliver. There is no doubt that caring for and living with an individual who is suffering from anxiety can be challenging for both parties involved, but by working together it is possible to create a situation that is life enhancing and really helps.
Helen Fields is a freelance writer and mother. She juggles her work around her home life. In the past she has suffered anxiety problems and now seeks to help others through writing about these issues and what life is like managing these kinds of problems.
Having OCD has been the biggest challenge that I have faced in my life thus far. After over four years of really struggling, I am happy to say that I am on the road to recovery and I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. For me, my OCD has taken ahold of a few different obsessions but has primarily grasped onto contamination fears, most specifically the fear of contracting HIV.
The scariest obsessions for me are that I will somehow contract HIV through casual contact and then unknowingly pass it along to others. The feeling of guilt that comes from this thought is the hardest part. My obsessions caused me to compulsively wash. These compulsions include things such as hand washing, showering, cleaning our house and belongings, and laundering our clothes unnecessarily. The obsessions also lead me to ask for reassurance all the time.
For example, I would feel the need to ask my husband if I should be worried about what happened that day, or if he would be worried if that had happened to him. Although I knew that these obsessions were completely irrational, that it is not possible for HIV to be spread in the ways that I feared, my anxiety wouldn’t let go of its grasp on me.
Although I have a feeling that I struggled with it slightly throughout my life, OCD really hit me in college. It hit me like a load of bricks. I was fortunate enough to see a therapist that year in my hometown and I will forever be grateful for him and all of his help. He knew that I was struggling with OCD right away. Because of him I was spared time wondering what was wrong with me or what to do about it, something I know I am very lucky to have been spared.
A few months into treatment with him my husband and I had to move to Michigan, and during that time my OCD was much improved. I didn’t seek out further treatment in our new town right away because I was feeling so much better. However, about six months later it came back worse than before. I knew that I needed help again so I did a lot of research and was led to the Anxiety Resource Center of Grand Rapids. I attended a group session one Wednesday night and met Alan Carriero. I decided to seek out counseling with him, and almost one tough year later, I am feeling better than I have since before my OCD really hit me hard.
Throughout this past year I saw Alan weekly, sometimes three times per week, to do Exposure and Response Prevention therapy. At first I remember feeling like I would never feel better, or that I wasn’t sure how this would truly make my symptoms decrease. All I knew is that I was not okay with feeling the way I felt for the rest of my life. So, I stuck with it and worked hard every week in Alan’s office and on my own.
By late springtime, due to a variety of different things happening in my life, my OCD started to get even worse. This was a really hard time for me. I was struggling at my job and it was very hard on my husband and I. I started feeling depressed on top of it all too. I remember feeling like I was safer at home, away from other people. So, I started isolating myself from my family, my friends, and the things that I loved to do. I also found myself needing to call in absent to work because of the intense anxiety I was experiencing. This is when I had the feeling of hitting rock bottom.
With Alan’s help, we decided it was crucial to my treatment and recovery if I took a short leave of absence from work. That summer I took the leave, started on a very low dose of Prozac from my general practitioner, and spent those three months seeing Alan for intense therapy three times per week. It is hard to even write all this down because it was such a difficult time in my life. I remember feeling defeated, like I was not a good wife, employee, daughter, friend….any of the things that made me who I was. I honestly wasn’t sure I would be able to get myself back, but I knew something had to change and that somehow everything would get better.
I also remember thinking that I had to do this for my future family. My husband and I have always wanted to be parents, so I knew that I had to do this so that our children would never have to go through this with me. Even though I’ll always wish that we hadn’t had to go through OCD together, I thank God that OCD hit us before we started our family. I know we are very lucky.
Now, just about one year after I began seeking treatment with Alan, I know that I have put OCD behind me. It no longer controls my thoughts and actions every day, and it feels amazing. It has been an extremely long and challenging road, but I have come out stronger in the end. I cannot tell you that I never have obsessive thoughts come into my mind or that I never give in to a compulsion anymore, but I can tell you that I now have the tools to conquer this crippling disorder.
This summer, things just started to “click,” and every day since then has gotten better and better. I wake up excited for each new day, excited to go to work, and I am finally myself again. When obsessions and compulsions do come sneaking up on me sometimes, I have the confidence and skills to deal with them. Often times I’m even able to look at moments that used to cripple me and turn them into opportunities to further conquer my OCD!
I know that I wouldn’t be where I am today without the support system that I am lucky enough to have around me. My husband has never left my side or let me forget what really matters in life. My hometown doctor gave my anxiety a name and helped me to understand that I had a treatable medical problem. Our parents have been with us every step of the way and have helped us in more ways than I can count. My family and friends have given me a safe place free of judgment or pressure to “just stop worrying.” And Alan, my therapist here in Michigan, absolutely helped me get my life back. I know that God led me to his office because He knew that Alan could teach me how to get myself out from the rock bottom that my OCD had brought me to. He is an incredible therapist, teacher, and person.
I have to say, one of the biggest things that really helped me conquer my OCD were the “Group Therapy” appointments that Alan organized. Being with others also struggling with OCD, others who truly understand what I’ve been going through, has been amazing. It’s incredible what groups like this and those at the Anxiety Resource Center can do.
Throughout my struggle I have always found great comfort in the stories of others with OCD. Knowing there are others out there who understand what I have been going through has helped me realize that I’m not alone. My hope is that my story can somehow be of help to you, as so many others’ stories have helped me. I want to tell you that you are not alone, you are strong, and you can do this! It may seem too big at times, but be brave, seek help, be persistent and disciplined through therapy, and know that you can beat this!
Overwhelmed…Embarrassed…Angry…Alone…Chaos…..Too much clutter around you? As a professional organizer and social worker, I have seen firsthand the struggle people have in living with and letting go of their possessions. In cases where a large amount of items are impacting their daily functioning, hoarding disorder may be suspected. Their homes are filled with items they have collected over period of time. Those items may have little value but can be mixed in with items of value such as photos, memorabilia, antiques, etc. They may have pathways through their homes that are difficult to move through. They may not be able to use their bathrooms, bedrooms or kitchen areas. There may be health and safety concerns (fire danger, lack of egress in emergency situations, etc.) They may have strained relationships with family and friends due to the hoarding behavior.
Working in hoarding situations as a professional organizer differs from typical chronic disorganization (chronic illness, ADD, etc.) or situational organizational challenges (death in the family, birth of a child, divorce, job loss, etc.). In hoarding situations, environmental conditions and safety are the biggest concerns for myself and my clients. Pests, rodents, mold, feces/urine, etc. have to be considered and personal protection equipment (PPE) must be worn in the cases that are extreme.
The person who is hoarding doesn’t usually see that there is a problem. Family, friends, neighbors, emergency responders and code enforcement officials tend to be the ones bringing these cases to light. Providing these clients with support, understanding and resources in hoarding disorder is my primary role as the professional organizer. An assessment of the situation is done in the home with the client and/or family members. A Plan of Action is developed. If the situation is more extreme, a team is used to complete the clean out work. In less extreme cases, individual organizers do the hands on work.
Since there is a lot of attachment to the things in the home, small sections at a time are worked on. The client is usually working side by side with the organizer to make decisions on the items. Items are sorted into categories such as Donate, Keep, Important, Throw away, Recycle, Give to Others and Go to Another Place in Home. This is considered a rough sort. The Keep items, etc. are labeled and put into storage such as a garage, off site storage, or another room in the home. The Important items are put in a safe location where the client can locate them easily.
Working with clients who have hoarding disorder can last for many months, even years. Counseling services with a mental health professional is required in conjunction with hands on work with an organizer. Many times the coordination between the organizer and therapist will help to support the client in dealing with the emotions that come to the surface during the process of decluttering. Slower and steady decluttering and organizing is the preferred method of organizing as opposed to the fast clean outs. Studies have shown that fast clean outs don’t usually lead to behavior changes but rather the hoarding of the spaces continues. Intervention with resources such as mental health professionals, professional organizers, interested family members and friends can make all the difference in whether success or failure occurs.
The key to successful intervention is in the approach taken when discussing the situation. Being respectful, non-confrontational, non-judgmental, supportive and factual tends to be the most successful. This can be difficult for family and friends who may have been dealing with the hoarding behavior for years and don’t understand the disorder. Education is key to understanding and dealing with this complicated disorder.
To learn more about hoarding disorder and the role of professional organizers, visit these websites: Institute for Challenging Disorganization, National Association of Professional Organizers, Michigan Chapter of NAPO, Children of Hoarders.
“Susie Marsh trained to become a Professional Organizer and started her own business, Susie’s Organization Solutions LLC, in 2007. She continues to expand her professional organizing business by working with clients in their homes, personal work spaces and assisting with moving needs/estates and time management/paper management. Susie also is a licensed social worker with 25+ years experience in the mental health system. Susie specializes in working with older adults and persons who struggle with chronic disorganization challenges.”
The lights were low, the band was playing, and people all around me were praying. My friends seemed to be experiencing God in powerful ways, but I sat in the pew, lost in confusion. I could not escape the mental torment that had become my reality. As I struggled through the endless twists and turns of delusional thinking, a friend of mine came and sat next to me. I shared my frustration with him: “I feel like I’m lost in a maze…a confusing maze of thoughts…and I cannot find the exit.” He responded in a reassuring voice: “Sometimes, Nathan, the only way out is up.”
From early on, my childhood had been characterized by strong, stable Christian values. However, when I graduated from high school and went off to the University of Michigan, I began to fundamentally question everything about my beliefs. I had an endless stream of doubts, and as my spiritual foundation began to erode, I also found myself grappling increasingly with irrational, paralyzing fear.
As the zeal to “find the answers” was eventually replaced by disillusionment and despair, my thinking patterns and behaviors became increasingly obsessive. Before climbing into bed, I would turn off the light. Then I would turn it back on. Then off again. For some reason, I thought that I had to turn the light off the “right” way, and every time I got it wrong, I had to do it again. Other behaviors were equally strange. At times, I found myself jumping slightly off the ground whenever I had an immoral thought. I also began to cough or tense up my body repetitively as feelings of anxiety increased. Negative mental associations dominated my thinking, making daily tasks nearly impossible.
In my own mind, I was constantly at the mercy of a tormenting labyrinth of contaminants. I went through bottle after bottle of hand soap. Every time I touched something that was “contaminated,” it meant another trip to the bathroom to wash my hands. During a summer internship in DC, my small townhouse bedroom became a chaotic mess as I desperately attempted to avoid “contamination” from various items. The floor was speckled with loose change, pieces of candy, and small bits of paper. I had to sit in the corner and strategize how to get across the room without touching anything that was potentially “harmful.”
In particularly dark moments of fear and psychological torment, I became completely paralyzed. Holed up in my room, I was chained in a mental prison that I could not escape. Perhaps the worst spell of paralysis took place on the first floor of the DC townhouse. Fear was closing in around me like a boa constrictor, and I could not move. I twitched and jerked in small furtive movements, but I could not seem to go anywhere. For perhaps hours, I stayed in one spot between the dining room and the living room, locked in a stronghold. First I was standing, then eventually sitting, and all the while, I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs, but I could not scream. I wanted to cry out in anguish, but I could not cry. All was quiet on the outside, but my soul was being brutally and mercilessly tortured. I don’t remember how I finally escaped; I probably came near to collapsing from pure mental and physical exhaustion.
After years of psychological anguish, I finally gave up my emotionally-charged rebellion against God. I fell to my knees, surrendered, and said, “God, I just want to know You for who You are.” In His mercy, He began to minister to my spirit through the story of Peter walking on the water to go to Jesus, and this story became a cornerstone of my recovery.
In the story, Peter was stuck in a boat that was about to capsize in a terrible storm. Jesus, however, was walking on the water, and Peter realized that his best option was to attempt what Jesus was doing. He chose to step out on faith, and when he stayed focused on Christ, he soared above all physical limitations and achieved the impossible. This story became a very real part of my everyday experience. The waves of fear and confusion were constantly crashing around me, and I had been trying to cling onto the boat for dear life. But I began to take small steps of faith and slowly pushed the boundaries of what I thought was possible.
As God took me through the healing process, He began to elevate my thinking. The dark, irrational labyrinth that I had been winding through was relentless and unending, and the only way to escape it was to rise above it entirely. My intellect alone could not conquer it; I could not reason my way out of it. I had to transcend my finite rationale and allow God to take me higher in Him. When I ascended to a new plateau of peace in God, the enigmas that I previously contended with were left in the basement of virtual insignificance.
The manner in which I experience life today would not have been possible just a few years ago. The mental clarity, the emotional development, the spiritual consciousness — all of these were mere fantasy, but thanks to the grace of God, they have now become a part of my reality. Fear and anxiety continue to dissipate as I discover what it means to love and be loved by God. In many ways, my journey thus far has been about learning how to look up — to turn to God in the midst of madness — and I have experienced the profound peace that comes from exalting God above every quandary and complexity.
Nathan Cole is the author of Exiting the Maze. The book can be found on Amazon, in both print and Kindle formats. To contact the author, please visit www.ExitingTheMaze.com.
Ever thought of taking a yoga class but weren’t sure if it was something for you? You are not alone.
This is exactly how I felt about ten years go. I loved everything about the first yoga class I
went to and I was hooked. Since that first class, I’ve continued to develop my practice and with training through PrairieYoga, I became a certified yoga instructor.
I’m not suggesting that you will become a yoga teacher, I just want to encourage you to try yoga. I’d also like to share what I’ve learned along the way.
First, there are a lot of different types of yoga classes. I would have to say that a gentle class is a good place to start. Second, yoga is more than the poses, you learn how to calm the mind, deepen the breath, and learn how to ‘let go’. The benefits of practicing yoga are endless.
As put by the American Yoga Association, “Yoga helps you to access an inner strength
that allows you to face the sometimes-overwhelming fears, frustrations, and challenges of everyday life. A few yoga exercises practiced daily (especially if they are done just prior to meditation) help to regulate the breath and relax the body by gently releasing tension from the large muscle groups.”
Finally, I’ve also learned that yoga IS for every body. I’ve trained with Matthew Sanford, who teaches how to adapt the practice. Matthew taught me that the techniques of yoga apply no matter the physical condition or shape of the pose. Still thinking about that yoga class? Why not give it a ‘go’?
I will be teaching a gentle yoga class at the ARC. Come try a class with me on
the first Wednesday of each month from 7 to 8 p.m. Contact the ARC for additional
information and to sign up.
OCD is an anxiety disorder and an anxious temperament can make you more vulnerable to developing the condition. I’ve always been a worrier, and worrying – and the uncertainty that provokes it – contribute to my need for control. The more I can control, the calmer I feel.
I realize that always being anxious is an incomprehensible state of being for those of you who aren’t born worriers, and who only have sleepless nights when you really have something to worry about.
For those of us for whom worrying is like breathing, not worrying is equally incomprehensible.
My anxiety takes many different forms: from mulling over unpleasant incidents and worrying about a challenge to be faced, to imagining full-scale disaster and tragedy, often on the basis of very little.
I once found a lump in my left forearm while bathing; a definite lump, no figment of a hypochondriac’s imagination. By the time I’d finished my bath, I’d projected forward to a diagnosis of cancer and the amputation of my arm, I’d learnt to write again with my right hand and entered the Paralymics as a one-armed archer. All in the space of 10 minutes. A visit to the doctor revealed that it was a harmless cyst.
Likewise, my boyfriend and I, who live in separate flats, speak every night at 10pm. If he doesn’t pick up, or return my message within seconds, I don’t assume that he’s on his mobile, or lost track of time in the bath, I conclude that he’s dead from an ruptured aneurysm. In the two minutes between leaving my message and him calling me back, I’ve buried him, grieved for him and found a new partner.
And all the time I’m worrying, I’m experiencing the physical effects of anxiety, as well as the mental and emotional ones. Depending on the level of worry, this can include a churning stomach, racing heart or dizziness. It’s a draining way to live.
When I’m particularly anxious, I’m driven into a frenzy of ordering.
My boyfriend called late one evening to say that the electricity had gone off in his flat. My concern as to the implications for him – his freezer defrosting, the hassle of getting in an electrician, the cost of repairs etc – sent me spinning off around my own flat to check that everything was in its place. Ordering created an illusion of control in a situation where I was, in fact, more or less helpless. It was only when he texted a little later to say the power had come back on of its own accord, that I could let go of my OCD comfort blanket.
Someone once said to me ‘Worrying is like a rocking chair, it gives you something to do, but it doesn’t get you anywhere.’ My OCD compulsions are much the same.
Are you a worrier? If so, how do you manage your anxiety?
Helen Barbour is a writer based in North London. Her debut novel, The A to Z of Normal, is now available as an ebook and paperback. “Natural Born Worrier” is from Helen’s blog, The Reluctant Perfectionist: life as a writer with obsessive-compulsive disorder. Copyright © 2013. It has been reposted by permission of the author.
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